Government Approved Children’s Meals And Bedtime Stories

That Is NOT Government Approved!

Mandeville, LA – Exclusive Transcript – “So we’re trying to prevent little children from becoming fat bastards in the future.  How is it they’ve become fat?  They’ve become fat by doing what?  Eating what the previous administration’s government-approved diet was.  Remember, we’ve talked about this before.  How did we get this thing called the food chart and food pyramid and what have you?  This wasn’t something that was organically grown.  This didn’t come out of a Farmer’s Almanac.”  Check out today’s transcript for the rest…

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The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) is giving advice to grandparents on how they can get their grandkids to eat healthier, including instructions to give them “hugs” instead of treats, and read government bedtime stories. [Mike: I wonder how you get a government-approved bedtime story.]

“Take time to share and listen to your grandchildren—the time you spend together offers wonderful opportunities to understand one another,” a USDA blog post entitled “Grandparents Held Kids Develop Good Eating Habits,” said on Monday.

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Mike:  Thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that the USDA is here to instruct grandparents on good grandparenting skills, because grandparents would never know to take time and share time and listen to their grandchildren.

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They’d never figure that out.  Good Lord!  This is why men went to Philadelphia in 1787 to draft the Constitution, to make sure that grandparents would be informed of their familial skills and their familial responsibilities.  Look it up in Article I, Section 8.  There it is right there, geezercare.

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“Discuss likes and dislikes of different foods and talk about what they eat at school or at home,” the agency said.  “Involve grandkids in selecting and preparing foods for meals, and offer the same foods to everyone. Avoid making different dishes to please young, fussy eaters.” [Mike: Again, thank heavens the USDA is on the job here.]

The USDA then tells grandma to serve her grandchildren baby carrots, applesauce, and string cheese to “meet their daily food group needs.”

“Reward them with your attention,” the USDA said. “Hugs are much better than sweet treats.”

The department also directed grandparents to read government bedtime stories to “show how much they love and care about their grandchildren.”

“Show your grandchild games, activity sheets, and other fun ways to learn about good nutrition at My Plate Kids’ Place,” the USDA said. “For a bedtime story, read The Two Bite Club.”

“The Two Bite Club,” which is available in English and Spanish, is a USDA “educational storybook” about a family of cats that uses government charts to determine its food intake. [Mike: I don’t believe I’m reading this.] The story encourages children to try two bites of foods in the USDA’s “My Plate” food diagram. After trying broccoli, yellow apples, low-fat yogurt, and “hard-cooked” eggs, the children in the story get certificates for participation.

“I am so proud of myself. I tried some new foods and I learned about My Plate,” a cat says at the end of the story.

The book also includes activities in the back and tips for parents on “growing health eaters,” such as avoid “placing a television set in their child’s bedroom.”

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Mike:   I’m glad that the USDA has now expanded its reach beyond merely subsidizing sugar and corn and all the other things it works its miracles on and has now expanded into the bedroom to hopefully eradicate and eliminate those nuisance electronic devices that are on the dressers and credenzas and nighttime tables of little children.

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Other tips include: “Family meals are important for everyone. Eat at a table. During mealtime, turn off the TV and your phone,” and “Skip the urge to offer a snack to quiet tears or reward behavior … These practices can lead to emotional overeating later on,” the USDA said.

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Mike:  So we’re trying to prevent little children from becoming fat bastards in the future.  How is it they’ve become fat?  They’ve become fat by doing what?  Eating what the previous administration’s government-approved diet was.  Remember, we’ve talked about this before.  How did we get this thing called the food chart and food pyramid and what have you?  This wasn’t something that was organically grown.  This didn’t come out of a Farmer’s Almanac.  This was the creation of the USDA back in the 1970s when they started this hoopla — how many of you people are old enough to remember — Eric, you and young Adrian are probably not old enough to remember this.  You may have come in on the tailed of it.  Do you ever recall in your young life when you were told, [mocking] “Don’t eat butter!  If you eat butter, you will die!  Young you will die.  You will keel over from a heart attack if you eat butter, especially if you eat butter and eggs, butter and eggs and whole milk.  Instant death, mortification is what you should feel right now.”  Do you remember this?

Eric:  Not the butter.  We were all more concerned with the sugar freakout during my generation.

Mike:  Well, prior to the sugar freakout it was butter and eggs.  There’s cholesterol in there!  We were told to do what?  What did our magisterial government tell people to do?  What did it tell them to eat?  This margarine crap.  What’s in margarine?  Folks, there is stuff in margarine that you would not feed to the proverbial dog if you actually knew what was in the margarine.  They had this thing called trans fat in the margarine, which we were told and instructed by our magisterial federal food overlords that the trans fat stuff was healthy for us.  [mocking] “This is better than old-fashioned stupid farm fat.  This is trans fat.  This is what all the cool kids with the pumped-up kicks ought to be eating.”  Then there were egg substitutes and butter substitutes.  Of course, then you had the skim milk rage and all this. What is the point of the skim milk?  I still don’t understand that.

Eric:  It’s water.

Mike:  I know!  If you want the skim milk, why don’t you just save a couple bucks and buy a gallon of spring water.

Eric:  Milk is next.  I’ve seen a couple things on the internet of them saying that milk is now bad for you.

Mike:  Of course it is.  And why is that?  Because somebody else must be selling the substitute?  What’s the substitute?  Gee, I wonder.

Eric:  Whiskey.

Mike:  Hey, you don’t need the USDA to tell you that.  I’ll tell you that.  So we were told not to eat the butter.  [mocking] “There’s these two scientists and they studied people that have eaten butter and those people died.”  Okay.  Did the people that didn’t eat butter die?  [mocking] “Yeah, but we’re not talking about them.  We’re only talking about the ones that ate the butter that died.”  Yeah, but did the guys that didn’t eat the butter … [mocking] “You’re confusing the issue.  People that eat butter die.”  Okay.  I’m going to ask again, did people that don’t eat butter — you see where I’m going with this and how ridiculous it was.  We’re being told now by the same imbeciles, and they’re only too happy to take their pinkies and stick them into one of your nostrils and then lead you to where they would like to drag you.  We’re now being told [mocking] “Yeah, we were kind of mistaken, just a little bit, about the butter.  I mean, use a little bit of it and don’t eat so much of the trans fat margarine anymore.  Just a little bit of the butter, just a smidge.”  Then, of course, Western civilization people have been eating butter and dairy products since dairy has been available.

As a matter of fact, how many of you knew — just to stay on the subject for a moment, let me introduce some sanity to you on this.  Some of you will know this, and I only know a small part about it, so I’m not going to get into great detail because I only know what I read or heard recently in my own reading.  How many of you know that during Lent and at other times during the year, if you’re observing the Catholic calendar, there were days where it was prescribed that you should deny yourself dairy?

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You should deny butter, milk and eggs, especially during Lent.  The reason is because they were viewed as being very healthy for people and very nourishing and very satisfying.  People enjoyed them.  If you were doing your penance and were agreeing to be more contemplative about your spirituality and you were a Catholic — which most of the Christian world was, or descended thereof — then you would observe those days and abstain from those dairy products.  Way back in the day, before we had iPhones, before we had

computers, before we had the microprocessor, people were partaking of and enjoying dairy products because experience had shown them that, by and large, they were healthy and enjoyable.  They added to people’s quality of life.  And folks, for the most part, enjoyed those things.  It would be proper to deny those things at times when you are trying to be more spiritual.  The point being, it’s been known for eons now that the things we were told back in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s we should not eat because the government said so, it had been known all the way up until that time that that was not the case.  We’re reverting back to the prior case before.  This is before the government even came out with government-approved bedtime stories.

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The Monday blog post, which was written by Patricia Britten, a nutritionist at the USDA’s Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion (CNPP) . . .

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Mike:  How many of you people knew that Article I, Section 8 of the U.S. Constitution was written at least partially so that the United States government could have a Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion?  Now we micromanage the amount of calories — the freest and most greatest country in the history of Earth, we hear, and we have people micromanaging and determining our caloric intake.

End Mike Church Show Transcript