Republicans and the Term “Conservative”

The Cantor Concession Speech

Mandeville, LA – Exclusive Transcript – “What is this conservative that you speak of, sir?  Who is this conservative that you speak of?  You see, folks, now we come full square staring right in the eyeballs, right between the eyes of the perversion of the use of that word, of that term.  I was just going to go and grab that digital media file and make it part of my repertoire.  I’m just going to have to figure out a way to get the Sicilian from the Princess Bride to say “conservative.”  No, it was Inigo Montoya who said that: You keep using that word.  I don’t think that word means what you think it does.”  Check out today’s transcript for the rest…

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Begin Mike Church Show Transcript

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Mike:  Let’s hear the Cantor concession speech.

[start audio file]

Eric Cantor: Many of you who not only today spent endless hours in the heat with your undying loyalty and effort, I want to thank you for that as well. I tell you — absolutely. [clapping] It’s not only the hundreds of volunteers here, it’s also, you know, my team, both my team that have served the constituents of the 7^th District, both here in the district office, have continued to serve the 7^th District constituency in Washington, but also my political team. They have put in so much extraordinary work to try and win this campaign, but have done so for the last decade or more. So I want to thank them. [clapping] Serving as the 7^th District congressman and then having the privilege to be majority leader has been one of the highest honors of my life. What I set out to do and what the agenda that I have always said we’re about is we want to create a Virginia and America that works for everybody. And we need to focus our efforts, as conservatives, as Republicans, on putting forth our conservative solutions, that they can help solve the problems for so many working middle-class families that may not have . . .

[end audio file]

Mike:  Pause that so I can scream for a minute.  What is this conservative that you speak of, sir?  Who is this conservative that you speak of?  You see, folks, now we come full square staring right in the eyeballs, right between the eyes of the perversion of the use of that word, of that term.  I was just going to go and grab that digital media file and make it part of my repertoire.  I’m just going to have to figure out a way to get the Sicilian from the Princess Bride to say “conservative.”  No, it was Inigo Montoya who said that: You keep using that word.  I don’t think that word means what you think it does.  What was it that was conservative about Cantor’s ten-year reign in the House of Representin’?  Didn’t he vote for TARP?  Wasn’t he a bail-outer?

Eric:  He was.

Mike:  Well, they’re gonna get a bailout, aren’t they?  He voted for TARP.  That was a big conservative thing.  He voted for no child gets an education, probably voted for Medicare Part D, all the big, usual suspects in the last ten years.  I know he voted for because he was a big grandstander about the Patriot Act.  I know he voted for because he was a big grandstander about the NDAA.  Maybe, just maybe there were Virginians that actually cared about this sort of thing and went: You know what?  We got this guy Brad and he won’t do any of that, or he says he won’t do any of that.  He’ll vote against all of it.  We ought to go out and vote.  We can hear the rest of the concession.

[start audio file]

Cantor: …opportunity that we have. We can also put our solutions to work for the most vulnerable. Now, I’ve spent a lot of time on charter schools and education opportunity to ensure that…

[end audio file]

Mike:  Stop the digital media file!  Why is the federal government spending time on — again, a charter school only works if you know the area where the charter is going to be placed.  That’s the reason why it’s a charter school.  Same thing with a magnet school.  If you don’t know the area, then you cannot possibly hope for any success for either one of those.  I guess you would say they are the boutique variety of public schools.  I was reading last night Ilya Somin in the Washington Compost.  It’s posted in today’s Pile of Prep.  He was lamenting or just going over the fact that today’s conservatives like Eric Cantor and others have stuck with and continue to promote the company line that the only thing that is wrong with public education and the national leviathan’s illicit, unconstitutional and unwarranted involvement in it is that they haven’t tried hard enough.  They haven’t put enough money into it just yet.  We haven’t charterated charter schools enough yet.  We haven’t magnefitified magnet schools enough yet.  But you just wait and see.  We’re gonna have a hot dog and chili bake and our kids are gonna get in there and they’re gonna come off the bench and beat those liberals at their own game.  Eric Cantor was a primary or a large, very vocal and very visible promoter of, as you are hearing here.  We can pick up again.

[start audio file]

Cantor: …everyone in America can have access to that American dream starting with a quality education. You know, we talked about, you know, research a lot in my office and in our campaign and in Congress. I’m really proud of the Gabriella Miller Kids First Research Act [clapping] because what it says as conservatives that we don’t believe you ought to spend taxpayer dollars on political conventions, that in fact, it’s probably better to help cure disease, because not only do you save lives and help people, you can ultimately solve the federal deficit problem by bringing down healthcare costs. [clapping]

[end audio file]

Mike:  Wait a minute, stop the digital media file.  The same argument can be used against poverty, couldn’t it?  [mocking] “We could bring down the federal deficit by gaining control of the SNAP programs and all the over programs for the impoverished.  We can get this deficit under control if right-wing social planners and right-wing conservative economic planners, if we can implement our economic plans.  We’ll deal with poverty because we’re smarter than them liberals and we’ll fix it.  And in doing so, we’ll bring down the amount of people that’s on them welfare programs and on them SNAP programs.  We won’t put money into campaigns and things like our liberal colleagues do.  We’ll put them into research and we’ll cure cancer.  We’ll cure divorce.  We’ll cure Lyme disease and all them diseases you get from ticks out here in the sticks in Virginia.  And by doing so, we’ll bring down that federal budget deficit because people are relying on the government to provide their healthcare.”

In other words, the conservative position then is we’re going to fix all these problems and we’re still going to use unconstitutional means.  The federal leviathan was never intended to be the national elixir for every living problem underneath God’s sun, but [mocking] “Let us address these problems, because we’ll address the problems that them liberals made, and we’ll all make them go away.  Cantor Boehner 2016, that’s going to be my campaign slogan, whether you like it or not.  We’re gonna fix all them problems.  We’re gonna make ‘em all go away.  Magic, it’s conservative magic.”  What is that?  Am I being hard on — this guy is on his way out and he’s lamenting all the money he didn’t get to spend, but he’s a conservative.  See, folks, just stop using the term.  It’s been bludgeoned to death.  It is meaningless.

Eric:  He really took the hard position of saying we should fund disease research instead of political campaigns.  Woo, that’s a hot topic.

Mike:  I’m kind of excited now to hear what other things conservatives can cure with federal taxpayer dollars.

[start audio file]

Cantor: These are the kinds of things that I know we’ll continue to work on. You know, I know there’s a lot of long faces here tonight. It’s disappointing, sure. But I believe in this country. I believe there’s opportunity around the next corner for all of us. So I look forward to continuing to fight with all of you for the things that we believe in for the conservative cause, because those solutions of ours are an answer to the problems that so many people are facing today. Thank you all very, very much.

[end audio file]

Eric:  Do you want to hear the difference in audio from his opponent?

Mike:  A little inside baseball here.  So fully expecting the big win, the Cantor team was all ready to go with top-of-the-line, Shure 57 mics ported into the top-of-the-line mic preamps and compressors and then run to a mixing console, affording media companies with digital coaxial outputs or optical cable outputs.  [mocking] “Look, all you gotta do is show up and plug your recording device in.  Our engineers got all this stuff set.  Wait a minute, we didn’t put our money into campaigns.  Instead, we invested our money, taxpayer dollars, contributions into the finest microphones and mixing processors money can buy.  Folks, I just want you to listen to how cool and smooth I sound compared to my nitwit Tea Party opponent where reporters had to hold their iPhones up in the air to grab audio that was ambient, just bouncing around the room.” [poor audio of David Brat speech] Let it play.

Eric:  That was it.  I want to thank the Elks Club for letting us rent out our space.

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Mike:  I would like to thank the BPOE for hosting us tonight.  I want to thank Marty in the back serving the draft beer.  And don’t forget the bingo ladies over there.  Is there a more stark difference or I would say a more real-world example of the difference between — folks, look, this is a great day.  I could actually point to this.  There’s got to be other Brat audio out there.  Some more will probably come in later today.  In the most unexpected way with the Cantor upset, in just listening to the sound quality of the speeches — you know, the American sheeple, we have to be able to hear our elite ruling masters in the most symphonic, harmonic, and utilizing the most technologically advanced, high-fidelity techniques, software and equipment available.  That is the way that these things should go down and must happen, don’t you know?

End Mike Church Show Transcript