Food Nazis Ban Bake Sales in Massachusetts

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Mandeville, LA – Exclusive Audio & Transcript – So you won’t even be able to sell cotton candy at a football game or baseball game now because the fat police have found a legislature dumb enough to implement this.  So what’s going to happen if you create a black market for junk food in Taxachusetts? I have an idea for the Massachusetts legislature.  If you’re really looking to snuff out obesity and you think sugar is the cause, then ban the importation of sugar.  You’re a sovereign state.  You should be allowed to do this.  If you don’t want sugar in your state, ban it.  If you ban something, what’s going to happen?  You’ll get more of it, it just won’t go through the legal channels.  What’s that going to do to your precious tax collections? Check out today’s audio and transcript for more…

 

Begin Mike Church Show Transcript

Mike:  What do you think the police code is going to be to snatch those wayward purveyors of baked confectioned goods in Taxachusetts?  We’ve got a 38-gram dispute here?

AG:  That’s not bad.

Mike:  How many grams of sugar are you saving from drinking a Powerade Zero instead of a regular Powerade, 25 grams?  [mocking] “That’s a big 10-4.  Got a 25-gram offender here.  Over.”  Can you just hear the police radios out there now?  Let me make sure I understand this.  We have to make sure that freedom is alive and well everywhere on the globe, including in China for Chen Guengchang, but in Massachusetts, they’re not allowed to sell baked goods for the kiddies to go on band trips anymore?  Here it is: “Parents: Rule’s half-baked. State’s junk food ban could take bite out of school fundraisers.”

Can I say to you that it is improper to defend your liberty to bake and to sell confection goods as you would like to by defending it that it’s a fundraising tool to be used at schools?  I understand that it is, but I think you’re missing the point.  The point ought to be that who is the State of Massachusetts to tell the bakers and the parents of these school-aged children in Massachusetts what they can and cannot bake and sell to raise funds for whatever?  This is an issue of liberty.  This is just like ObamaCare.  The issue here is not the actual healthcare.  The issue is the liberty of the people to make their own decisions.  That’s what’s at issue.

[reading]

Bake sales, the calorie-laden standby cash-strapped classrooms, PTAs and booster clubs rely on, will be outlawed from public schools [Mike: They’re not public schools, by the way, they’re government schools.] as of Aug. 1 as part of new no-nonsense nutrition standards, forcing fundraisers back to the blackboard to cook up alternative ways to raise money for kids.

[end reading]

Mike:  I guess if you’re in a private school, they’ll get around to you soon.  You’re not allowed to have fat bastards privately raise in private schools either.

[reading]

At a minimum, the nosh clampdown targets so-called “competitive” foods — those sold or served during the school day in hallways, cafeterias, stores and vending machines outside the regular lunch program, including bake sales, holiday parties and treats dished out to reward academic achievement.

[end reading]

Mike:  Oh, to be a kid today sucks, AG.  You can’t enjoy a cigarette after your first sexual encounter when you’re 14 because you did what your sex ed teacher told you to do, and now you switch from cigarettes to Twinkies but now you can’t even enjoy a Twinkie.  You can’t even have one of mom’s famous Tollhouse cookies.

[reading]

But state officials are pushing schools to expand the ban 24/7 to include evening, weekend and community events such as banquets, door-to-door candy sales and football games.

[end reading]

Mike:  So you won’t even be able to sell cotton candy at a football game or baseball game now because the fat police have found a legislature dumb enough to implement this.  So what’s going to happen if you create a black market for junk food in Taxachusetts?  Do you think people will stop going to — I have an idea for the Massachusetts legislature.  You can fix this really easy.  Just ban the importation of refined sugar into the state.  If you’re really looking to snuff out obesity and you think sugar is the cause, then ban the importation of sugar.  You’re a sovereign state.  You should be allowed to do this.  If you don’t want sugar in your state, ban it.  If you ban something, what’s going to happen?  You’ll get more of it, it just won’t go through the legal channels.  What’s that going to do to your precious tax collections?

Can you imagine then you’re going to have Tony Soprano figures standing on street corners in black trench coats directing people to where the good stuff is in the bowels of a parked semi tractor-trailer like in the movie Goodfellas when you go to the tractor-trailer to buy your cigarettes that were stolen by Ray Liotta, Joe Pesci and Robert DeNiro?  Now you’ll just go to a trailer park somewhere down around Bunker Hill, I imagine, and you’ll just ask either for Ho-Ho’s, Big Wheels.  Name some snack foods for me.  Ho-Hos, Big Wheels, Twinkies, Suzy Q’s.  You have your oatmeal rounds.  You have your Little Debbie brownie cakes.  You have all sorts of things.  What do you buy at the checkout counter when you’re standing in line at the inconvenience store?

AG:  Give me one of those cinnamon buns.

Mike:  You can’t have a cinnamon bun.  There’s too much sugar in that.  You can’t sell it anymore either.  You can’t sell it to help anyone out.  They’ll get around to banning it outright.  What about MoonPies?  Have you ever had a New England MoonPie, the ones that are usually homemade and wrapped up and sitting on the counter in a basket?  When we were in New Hampshire, at the store we went into to get the famous now Powerade Zero, they had a basket of them on the counter.

AG:  The homemade kind?

Mike:  The homemade MoonPie.  I think they call it a MoonPie, the chocolate top, chocolate bottom and the homemade whipped stuff in the middle.  That’s just loaded down with sugar.  That stuff is illegal now.

[reading]

The Departments of Public Health and Education contend clearing tables of even whole milk and white bread is necessary to combat an obesity epidemic affecting a third of the state’s 1.5 million students.  [Mike: So Massachusetts is now not only the libtard state, it’s also the fat bastard state.]  But parents argue crudites won’t cut it when the bills come due on athletic equipment and band trips.

[end reading]

Mike:  Well, you get out there and instead of having a bake sale, you have a celery sale.

End Mike Church Show Transcript