Fake Conservatives Meet To Thrill Of Idiocracy Moviegoers
Mandeville, LA – Exclusive Transcript – “Not only are they auditioning to be commander in chief so that children in the Twin Cities don’t have to face ISIS at shopping malls, we have to make sure that penguins in Antarctica don’t have to face ISIS as well. You’re not just leader of the United States; you’re leader of the planet. Folks, please, I beg of you my friends, get a grip.” Check out today’s transcript for the rest….
Begin Mike Church Show Transcript
Mike: [mocking] “I’m qualified to be commander in chief. I can fight a bigger war than Jeb can. You just wait and see the body bags that I create over there in that hemisphere that’s 7,000 miles away. I’ll leave a trail of unionized teacher blood, I mean, ISIS blood like you’ve never seen before, buddy.” If I were there, they would escort me out, if this is what conservatives sound like. I must say, I’m mortified over this. The lack of intellectual rigor is shocking.
How many of you know that in the year of our Lord and Savior Iesum Christum – Mike, why do you say Iesum? Say Jesus. Well, because at the time Iesum Christum was walking the earth, if you were speaking Latin, there was no J. As a matter of fact, look in the gospel of St. John. It’s spelled Iesum. Jerusalem, Ierusalem. In any event, the year of our Lord and Savior Iesum Christum, 1974, Anno Domini, Ronald Reagan gave the famous “bold colors” speech. As a matter of fact, I think it’s safe to say that CPAC would not be CPAC had it not been graced by the oratorical brilliance of one Ronald Wilson Reagan. People would look forward to it. When he became president, of course, he didn’t go over there and speak, but before, when he was campaigning, he most certainly did. Reagan gave several speeches there that I believe you can find at the Reagan Library site. I know they have the audio of the “bold colors” speech.
I’m not breaking any news by saying that Ronald Reagan was great with the oratory and was a great speaker. This is not to say that the GOP doesn’t have some guys that can rile the house up. Folks, they’re riling a house up that belongs in the movie theater from the film Idiocracy. I’m going to say this in context. I don’t mean this in a vulgar or derogatory manner in any way. It belongs in the movie theater as they were watching the hit film Ass, because they are a bunch of asses, as in donkeys.
Scott Walker gets up there, just to make one example, and starts talking about his foreign policy credentials. If you’re running for president and you want to be a Republican, you’re not really running for president; you’re running to bomb people. You’re running to take over the military is what you’re doing. You can kill, bomb, maim, and destroy without even investigating whether the maiming, bombing, killing, and destroying is just. You can do it better than the other guy that wants the Republican nomination. That’s how sick this is. That’s how intellectually devoid, I’ll use the word again, of rigor, of discipline the “conservative” movement has become. As a matter of fact, I think what we’re witnessing is the death of good conservative movement. It’s over. Just like the Constitution is dead, conservatism is dead. These warmongering maniacs are putting the final dagger into it. Who with a conscience and even knows the term “just war” – you don’t even have to know what it means, you just have to know the term “just war” – wants to have anything to do with these people?
Daniel Larison writing at the American Conservative Magazine website, “Walker’s Silly Foreign Policy Remarks at CPAC.” I think the C in CPAC ought to stand for Clown PAC.
Speaking at CPAC, Scott Walker must have thought he was being very clever when he said this:
“If I can take on 100,000 protestors, I can do the same across the world.”
Mike: [mocking] “That’s right. You give me the military, buddy. You just wait and see. You’ve never seen destruction like I’ll bring. Did you see what I did to banshee woman and her cohorts, huh? Did you see, did you see?” Mike, who’s banshee woman? I’m going to play you a digital media file from one of the 100,000 protestors that Walker can’t wait to get his hands on. We need to go back during the Wisconsin teacher’s strike and find some photographic images of those teachers chanting and yelling out front and holding placards and what have you. I’ll just put them in ISIS garb. We’ll put black ski masks on them and black jumpsuits and you’ll get the whole picture here. Taking on the labor union is the same as taking on – again, not granting that ISIS should be taken on, not in the manner these fools are talking about it. Here is an example of one of t hose 100,000 protestors that qualifies the Governor of Wisconsin to be commander in chief.
[start audio file]
“Banshee woman”: We’re doing this for the kids. The unions are the people who brought us a weekend and an eight-hour workday. If we don’t do this now, our children will not have a weekend, an eight-hour workday, or collective bargaining rights. This is for the kids.”
[end audio file]
Mike: What do they call the jihad Johnny ISIS? Sounds like he’s in a rock band. The one that cut off James Foley’s head, the one that they think they can identify as some kid that went to a British prep school or a British college. Is that what they’re calling him, Paul, Johnny ISIS?
Paul: Jihadi John.
Mike: That’s it. If I’m going to be an ISIS rock star and be filmed in HD marching in a perfect two-column military drill, I want a cool name. I don’t want to be called Jihadi John. I want Johnny ISIS. Get a little Johnny ISIS pen. The Muslim kids will have posters up on their walls like we have posters of Marky Mark and New Kids on the Block like our kids used to. Remember that, back in the day, back in the wholesome days of New Kids on the Block? The Muslim kids have Jihadi John and Johnny ISIS. It sounds like the making for a new Sex Pistols band. The lead singer is Jihadi John. The bassist is Johnny ISIS. Sid Vicious actually fits for an ISIS guy, doesn’t it? Why don’t we spend the rest of the program assigning rock and roll names that are appropriate to ISIS terrorists? Sid Vicious definitely fits an ISIS guy. I think we can all agree on that. Let me noodle on that.
Paul says he has the Scott Walker audio where he’s going to confront the challenges of global terrorism, the challenges of the Russians, the challenges of the North Koreans. I don’t know, maybe he is qualified. I’m not qualified to say whether he is or not. The analogy that he’s making is preposterous.
[start audio file]
Scott Walker: Well, you know, the interesting thing, sometimes people in the media don’t understand that as a governor I used to get a threat assessment from the FBI and from my adjutant general. Without divulging confidential information, I would tell you, for years I’ve been concerned about that threat not just abroad but here in America. You’ve already seen some of the reported stories about what we see in the Twin Cities and some of the issues there. I think it is clear, I think that my two sons – one of whom is with me today, the other will be here over the weekend, Matt and Alex who are 19 and 20. I know all of you as parents feel the same way. I want a commander in chief who will do everything in their power to ensure that the threat from radical Islamic terrorists do not wash up on American soil. We will have someone who will lead us and ultimately will send a message not only that we will protect American soil, but do not, do not take this upon freedom-loving people anywhere else in the world. We need a leader with that kind of confidence. If I can take on 100,000 protestors, I can do the same across the world.
[end audio file]
Mike: Please just stop it. I can’t take it anymore. Not only are they auditioning to be commander in chief so that children in the Twin Cities don’t have to face ISIS at shopping malls, we have to make sure that penguins in Antarctica don’t have to face ISIS as well. You’re not just leader of the United States; you’re leader of the planet. Folks, please, I beg of you my friends, get a grip. It is not the job of the United States of America – nor should it be, nor should you want it to be – to be the leaders of the planetary expeditionary force to go snuff out the Muslim population. That’s what these maniacs are talking about. This is what passes for the Conservative Political Action Conference, muscular foreign policy. I’m a macho man.
As raunchy as it is, I think I’m going to start using, to talk about these people as the update theme, I’m going to start playing the Village People. Back to Daniel Larison. I’m going to continue on this theme until they tell me I can’t continue on this theme. This is conservatism: war. That’s what it has now been boiled down to. That’s what you are if you’re a conservative, war. You want it, you live it, eat it, sleep it, breathe it, and you want everyone who claims to be a conservative to be in support of it. You’re not going to debate it, not going to discuss it. If we will it, I’m going to quote Walter Sobchak from The Big Lebowski, “If you will it, Dude, it is no dream.” If we will a war somewhere, it is no dream. To continue with the movie quotes, John Belushi, Animal House, Putin, he’s a dead man. Assad, dead. Gaddafi, dead. Neidermayer, dead. Bush is right, we gotta take these bastards. Continuing with Daniel Larison:
This is a very silly thing to say, but unfortunately I think Walker was saying this in earnest. There really is no comparing facing down domestic political opposition with addressing challenges and threats from overseas, but Walker’s national political identity is wrapped up with his battle with public sector unions and so every other issue that he talks about ends up being linked back to that. It doesn’t follow at all that an ability to overcome one’s own democratic political opponents in a budget dispute translates into the knowledge or ability to handle threats to the U.S.
Mike: I would also say it doesn’t translate into the ability to be humble in handling perceived threats to the U.S., to be a statesman in handling perceived threats to the U.S. You know, it’s amazing how threats to people in the European or in the other hemisphere are now threats to the U.S.
Michael Brendan Dougherty had this to say about what Walker said:
“I almost can’t concoct a more self-regarding and flip answer.”
Instead of offering reassurance that Walker would have some idea of what to do as president, these remarks remind us that he has nothing substantive to say about foreign policy . . .
Mike: That’s because you don’t have to have foreign policy to be a conservative. You have to have war policy. There is no foreign policy. There’s no desire for it. Foreign policy can be translated into war policy. They should sell war paint at Clown PAC next year. Back to Larison:
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That was confirmed by Walker’s unwillingness or inability to articulate what his preferred policy towards ISIS would be:
“The all-but-certain Republican presidential hopeful sharply criticized the Obama administration’s foreign policy, but when asked about how he would deal with the threat of the Islamic State of Iraq and Greater Syria (ISIS), dodged.”
Walker does a lot of dodging, or “punting” as he likes to call it, when presented with questions he won’t or can’t answer. That is the sort of evasiveness that badly undermines his pretense to being a leader proposing “big, bold ideas.” The truth is that Walker doesn’t have any “big, bold ideas” on foreign policy and national security, and worse he doesn’t appear to want to have any. On the contrary, he assumes that he can get away with the lowest-common denominator hawkish talking points and suffer no political price for it . . .
Mike: But Daniel, you’re missing the point. There is no political price for dumbing it down and for chanting war, war, war, kill, kill, kill. There is a political reward for it. He will be rewarded by the “conservatives” at Clown PAC and elsewhere, those that can’t make it in to join in the war chant.
End Mike Church Show Transcript