Mike Reads Donald Trump Gettysburg Address

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Mandeville, LA – Exclusive Transcript – Let’s move on to Donald Trump.  This opinion piece that you published at The Daily Caller, the Gettysburg Address as delivered by Trump, is hysterical.  Check out today’s transcript for the rest….

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Begin Mike Church Show Transcript

Mike:  Let’s move on to Donald Trump.  This opinion piece that you published at The Daily Caller, the Gettysburg Address as delivered by Trump, is hysterical.

Jordan Bloom:  Yeah, it was well done.  It’s a freelancer from out in California.  He did a really good job with it.  I can envision — I was reading that in Trump’s voice when I looked at it.

Mike:  We need someone who can do a Trump voice.  I can’t do it.  I haven’t practiced it.  Maybe I could.  I just haven’t tried it.  If I can find somebody to do Trump’s voice, I might ask Dave Roberts if I can borrow that and make a script out of it and make an audio bit out of it.  It’s quite funny.

[reading]

Wow. Whoa. This is some group of people. Thousands. So nice, thank you very much. That’s really nice. Thank you. It’s great to be at Gettysburg. It’s great to be in a wonderful battlefield like this. And it’s an honor to have everybody here. This is beyond anybody’s expectations. There’s been no crowd like this.

Four score and seven years ago – how many years is that? I don’t know, let’s just say it’s a lot of years — our forefathers – some of whom were losers, let’s face it – brought forth on this continent a new nation. Yes, there were Indians here already, but they had lots of problems. And they were bringing those problems to us. They were bringing drugs. They were bringing crime. They were rapists. And some, I assume, were good people.

The new nation was conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. That sounds great, but it’s just words. I’ve read the speeches of these people, and they said the sun will rise, the moon will set, all sorts of wonderful things will happen. And people are saying, “What’s going on? I just want a job. Just get me a job. I don’t need the rhetoric. I want a job.”

Now we are engaged in a great civil war — and I love the military, and I want to have the strongest military that we’ve ever had, and we need it more now than ever. But I said, “Don’t hit the South,” because you’re going to totally destabilize the country. We’ve lost thousands of lives. We have wounded soldiers, who I love, I love — they’re great — all over the place, thousands and thousands of wounded soldiers, bleeding from their eyes, bleeding from their wherever.

This war is testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. And the way things are going, I don’t think it will. Look at Europe – their leaders are much smarter than our leaders – with the exception, of course, of myself – and we can’t sustain ourselves with that. It’s like taking the Cincinnati Red Stockings and have them play your high school baseball team. That’s the difference between Europe’s leaders and our leaders in Congress. They have bridges that make the George Washington Bridge look like small potatoes. And they’re all over the place.

We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. But to be frank, it’s a bit of a dump. It actually could make a very nice golf course.

The world will hugely note and long remember what I say here, but it will probably forget what they did here. Sadly, the American dream, like these brave men, is dead. But I here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain and that government of the Donald, by the Donald, for the Donald, shall not perish from the earth.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

[end reading]

Bloom:  That’s it.

Mike:  There you go, the Gettysburg Address as delivered by Trump.  I could get some of his mannerisms but that was —

Bloom:  That wasn’t bad.

Mike:  That is a very good caricature of him, don’t you think?

Bloom:  I thought so, certainly.  We’ve been publishing a lot of Trump stuff recently, and I’d say we ribbed him a little bit more in that one than maybe in general.  We ran Mark Meckler, formerly of Tea Party Patriots, this week also.  This was just on Monday, on his immigration plan.  I was pretty surprised.  Meckler was a big fan of it.  He said it’s actually something terrific.  That was a reference to Trump’s alleged Obamacare replacement which he hasn’t released.  A reporter asked him what he would replace it with and Trump says, in typical fashion, “Something terrific.”  It’s a piece that this immigration plan actually is something terrific.  I think that’s generally true.  People have been flipping out about this immigration plan.

End Mike Church Show Transcript