Church Doctrine

Church Doctrine – Free People of Crimea Meet Abe Lincoln

todayMarch 6, 2014

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Doctrine – Free People of Crimea Meet Abe Lincoln

Bottle_Coozies_Banner_Ad_republican_WaxMandeville, LA  – You have to hand it to the American media, they are eternally resourceful when confronted with a slow news cycle that threatens readers, viewers and thus profits. Take the latest “crisis” from the Ukraine. This story has been presented as an immediate threat to all civilized life on earth and for days now, news anchors have been doing reports standing in front of what looks like crowds gathered for a winter version of Jazz Fest. Down on the Crimean peninsula, the alleged epicenter of all democratic depravity on earth, the scene is the same. That hasn’t stopped American politicians from bloviating on about Russia’s aggression into the Crimea. After learning that the Crimeans had asserted their independence and voted to join the Russian Federation, President Obama decreed that there would be fierce wrist slaps dealt out to anyone who dared to undermine the sovereignty of the Ukraine.

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That’s when all this made sense to me, let me explain: Free people of Crimea, meet Abraham Lincoln!

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Crimea has been a part of Russia since it was annexed by Catherine the Great back in 1783. Never mind that, back in the bad old days of Soviet Communism, Nikita Kruschev decided that Crimea should become part of the Ukraine and with the stroke of his pen he made that union legal. With the neo-nazi violence escalating in the Ukraine, Crimeans have decided since Kruschve and his Soviet union are dead, that they don’t want to be joined at the hip to the Ukraine anymore. That’s when Vlad “the impaler” Putin moved to protect Crimeans…from Nazis. “Not so fast,” thundered John McCain, Obama and Hillary Clinton. “Secession is undemocratic and illegal, unless you’re West Virginia. And besides, we hate Putin so you should hate Putin.” That about sums up this crisis.

“This is our response to the disorder and lawlessness in Kiev,” said one member of the Crimean legislature. “We will decide our future ourselves.” Imagine that. The United States is trying to drag the planet into an armed standoff with Russia because the people of Crimea want to secede from Nazis. Too bad dishonest Abe isn’t around to see the monster he created and the arrogant tyrants who feed it, one “crisis” at a time.

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Written by: Nick Ramey

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