kids

California Is Officially An “Aliens” Horror Film

"I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit, its the only way to be sure." - Ripley, from Aliens & parents of L.A. Unified Terror District I could not make through this PSA from the L.A. Unified Mental Ward For The Juvenile Insane. This child who has almost 0.0% chance of "getting sick" and dying from the CoronaHoax™ is terrified to go back to school but […]

March 1, 2021 8

Veritas et Sapientia

Veritas et Sapientia-‘Muricah: Land Of The Minefield of Death For Children?

Mandeville, LA - "Basically, to be a good parent in America today you are expected to imagine the anguish and regret you’d feel if your child died and it was all your fault because you let him do something unsupervised. My crime was that I hadn’t indulged in what I call “worst-first thinking”—imagining the worst-case scenario first and proceeding as if it were likely to happen. My old-fashioned belief in […]

May 10, 2017 1

Latest

A Story of Cancer, Courage and Mike’s 2015 Hogs For The Cause Campaign

Please consider a donation for Mike's 2015 efforts to raise money benefitting families with kids suffering brain cancers-Click to donate, buy tickets and Death Chefs merchandise Mandeville, LA – Exclusive Transcript – (originally published 19 March, 2014) "There’s a young man, 17, from Mississippi. He’s being treated at Children’s Hospital. He’s been battling one form of brain cancer or another since he was four years old. His father passed away about […]

March 22, 2016 14

Daily Clip

Father’s Job is to Get Kids to Heaven

Mandeville, LA - Exclusive Audio and Transcript - As a priest explained to me one day, your job as a father in your house is the same as my job. Your job is to get those women and children to heaven. That is your job. That is your number one job, to get them to heaven. I expounded on that by saying the other job of all the men listening […]

June 11, 2015 8

Transcripts

Playing Favorites With Steriods

Why Are Steroids Bad For Baseball But GREAT For Transgender Five-Year-Olds? Mandeville, LA – Exclusive Transcript – "We must do all these things, all for the kids. All that matters is the kids. We must confiscate and ban guns for the sake of the kids, right? We must build more prisons for the sake of the kids. We have to go after marijuana growers for the sake of the kids." […]

June 4, 2015 7

Daily Clip

Who Made FLOTUS Michelle Obama Food Czar?

The fact that the federal government of the United States has allowed an individual with a ceremonial, titular position, namely FLOTUS, First Lady of the United States, a position which does not exist, is not constitutionally ordained, and cannot be constitutionally ordained because what is it? It’s a title of nobility. Oh, but we have one, don’t we, brother? Yes, we do. We’ve had them since Eleanor Roosevelt. Hell, we’ve […]

May 29, 2014 13

Transcripts

Government Approved Children’s Meals And Bedtime Stories

That Is NOT Government Approved! Mandeville, LA – Exclusive Transcript – "So we’re trying to prevent little children from becoming fat bastards in the future. How is it they’ve become fat? They’ve become fat by doing what? Eating what the previous administration’s government-approved diet was. Remember, we’ve talked about this before. How did we get this thing called the food chart and food pyramid and what have you? This wasn’t something […]

April 4, 2014 8

Transcripts

Teenage Orgies Are Fine Now Because Plan B Abortion Pill Is Available To Everyone

Mandeville, LA – Exclusive Transcript – “FDA approves over-the-counter sales of Plan B One-Step for all ages.” I guess if you’re not a sexually-active and reproductively capable young girl but you sincerely want to be like one of the older girls, you can practice by going to your local Rite Aid or Walgreen’s or CVS or Dr. Smith’s Pharmacy and pick yourself up a pack of Plan B, just in […]

June 21, 2013 9

Transcripts

If You Want [r]epublican Kids, Have Them Read Tolkien And Get Involved With Local Politics

Mandeville, LA – Exclusive Transcript – If you want to get him involved in politics, make their Congress and their Senate out to be the worst places on earth. Tell them they should go sit in on the boring-as-hell city council meetings. Learn about what’s going on in the local government. Go sit in on debates between judges that are running for offices. Check out today’s transcript for the rest…

May 31, 2013 6